i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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