he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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