Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
