Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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