oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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