you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
