PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
