I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
