I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
