I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
