i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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