I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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