part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I could fuck to npr.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
