Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
