Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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