I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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