Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
