Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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