I think my vagina is haunted
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
