When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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