in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
