Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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