broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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