Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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