well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
