i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
