woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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