I feel great
I just peed on a car
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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