just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
