I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
