The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
