Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I faked an abortion last night.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i would one night stand the shit outta him
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
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