i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
