eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
