I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
