He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Randomize
