my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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