stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
