drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
whose parrot is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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