Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
