After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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