He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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