so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
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Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
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I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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