Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
