Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
