Will you blow on my dice?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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