Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
