How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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