FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
