I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
