I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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