the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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