im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
And then my night got REAL pukey
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
