Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
