Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
