it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
