he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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