I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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