I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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