using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
