I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
