How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
