I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
