Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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