Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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