I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
