There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
