At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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