Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
