If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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