I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
