I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
