Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
