i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
