My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
