Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
