I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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