so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The ass gains better be worth it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
