I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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