Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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