Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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