what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
