Well apparently he's into motor boating.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Randomize
