I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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