happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
