**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
