I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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