Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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