genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
